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Debate Score:4
Arguments:3
Total Votes:4
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addltd(5132) pic



Can you help me with my copy?

Here is a draft of text that I think is ready for publication...can you help me with edits?


The “Connected Experience”...


In commercial trucking, a “Connected Experience” occurs when the right technologies come together to enable seamless communication between Vehicles, Dealers, & Customers.


Of course this requires vehicles to be on-line.  And the fact is, over 80% of commercial vehicles today are not.
 

But not for long...
- Navistar will soon introduce an unprecedented set of tools to bring the Connected Experience to commercial trucking...


- We’re adding reliable wireless networks & advanced OCC features onboard Navistar trucks.  And we'll do this...
...without relying on 3rd party telematics companies
...without installing cellular devices or incurring monthly data fees, and
...without expensive hardware investments


How?  With the OnCommand Smart Device


Navistar trucks will be equipped with a portable smart device -- one that's small enough to fit into the palm of your hand.
- its fully ruggedized and designed for use in  commercial trucks

- it plugs directly into the diagnostics port
- with no wires, & no external antenna


From a phone or tablet, users will run a mobile app that connects to the smart device through a secure wireless connection.
The smart device is an aftermarket It’s a Linux-based computer with enough CPU power, RAM, and flash memory to deliver important strategic capabilities, such as…

- Over the Air Reflashing - to upgrade electronic control module software without requiring a dealer visit
- Electronic Data Logging - for HOS Hours of Service compliance & transmission of Health Report data
- Smart Repair Routing - to quickly address maintenance needs as they arise
- The Accelerator® Write Up Tool - to expedite & improve the service lane intake process


A day in the life...


Let’s take a brief glimpse at these capabilities, how they're used, and why they matter from a Customer, Dealer, and Navistar perspective.

Add New Argument
1 point

I like the text. I think if this is an opener, it may end up being too long or too rushed.

1 point

I would suggest the following edits:

Change this

From a phone or tablet, users will run a mobile app that connects to the smart device through a secure wireless connection.

TO

From any mobile device, users will run a mobile app that connects to the smart device through a secure wireless connection.

1 point

I think you need to have three ideas under A day in the life...